i've been reminded by mum on the last semester break;
"selalu sangat lebihkan orang,tak fikir pasal diri sendiri"
saya menangis sendiri di dalam kereta,
berharap semoga mak tak perasan.
saya bukan anak yang baik-gagal berfikir tentang keutamaan keluarga.
bukan juga sahabat yang baik,seringkali melukakan.
kerana apa yang saya fikir baik untuk mereka,
adalah sebenarnya melukakan mereka.
it just happened when i was a litle bit late went back home after helping my friends to do something-better-not-to-tell-top-secret.im not putting a blame to anyone here.mum worried bout her only daughter to drive alone at night plus there was a heavy rain that night.situation sometimes challenge we to go through hard times aite? (ok now you put the blame on situation)
that night also remind me about the incident few years back which caused me to face my condition now for the whole life.what i thought which was not thought by others.what i consider as good for everyone is actually not.what i consider as 'sacrifice my life for good' is actually 'sacrifice my life for harm & pain'.
does it show that I'm not mature enough when it comes to make a decision?
to choose the right path & to have a strong fight moment to face life?
why does it always turn out to be like that?
when you decide to do something,you actually didn't do anything good for yourself.
when you thought its okay to feel pain for the time being & let others keep their rainbow day
yet you still cry.
when you're sitting alone,
you dont know why there's cloud in your eyes.
am I punishing myself?
or my inner self claim for retribution for what I've done.
this is just a personal entry.
for me to keep reminding myself.
not to torture your inner self anymore.
lets colour your day.
muchos thanks to si kawan baik.
untuk segala saksi kejadian.
i'm only a servant who serves my Lord.
and a duty as a servant ain't easy as you spell the words.
dah tua-tua pun jadi kerisauan mak lagi kan.
anak memang comel :p
